If we were face to face, I would love to peacefully talk about this on the couches in the tiny living room of my townhouse. You would knock at the door, my roommates and I would try to remember whether or not we had invited over anyone (people are welcome at any time, so we wouldn't turn you away otherwise), and you would be invited into our shared space.
I would probably finish up with whomever I'm texting or whatever project is going on through my phone or laptop. We would offer a cup of water, some tea, whatever you enjoy. We might end up playing games or watching the Olympics, but for the most part, we would share our stories.
I hope we can find that here in this space, too.
-----
Via Snapchat, a conversation held recently with someone who I have known for nearly 10 years through community theatre
Me: *posts picture of a theological feminist book to my story*
Friend: I've never seen a Christian who is more of a feminist than you.
Me: Thank you, I think??
Friend: *laughing emoji*
I genuinely don't know what is funny about this, and I was alarmed that I am the most feminist Christian who this friend knows. I can think of plenty of people who are much more aligned with the feminist movement as a whole than I am, and I am grateful for the people who have influenced me thus far so I could reach this position in order to maybe influence others.
-----
An abridged conversation with a professor regarding a publication
Professor: These women made a devotional, but the man who put it together broke copyrights on something.
Me: Why was a man in charge of putting together a women's devotional?
It's not that I hate men. I truly don't (and I am a heterosexual who is attracted to men, in case you're wondering). I know some great dudes who are mutually respectable and who strive to give away their power and privilege.
But, like, why couldn't a capable woman do the work that a man did incorrectly?
I just want to be like Wonder Woman and smash the patriarchy.
-----
This evening, I was in a class that meets online. A few of my colleagues and I gather in person to attend class on our laptops while sitting together in a sense of community. There was a momentary glitch without the professor, and after a few quiet minutes, I asked those in the room if we should proceed as we typically do. I commented that I was the accidental leader because I didn't ask for it but I ended up in this position, and I said that it seems to happen often in life. My friends assured me that I should follow through with suggesting temporary leadership to my classmates, and we moved forward. Everything seemed fine.
After class ended, a student (who I had engaged with in a very good conversation during class) said, "Ah, you're always so bossy! Isn't she bossy? She's bossy!" I assured him that was not my intention with the affirmation of my friends, and he continued to say that I am bossy.
He left the room, and I slammed both of my hands on the table while saying, "I AM SO DONE WITH SEXISM."
Bossy is often negatively attributed to women in leadership but rarely to men who take control of a moment. And, like Beyonce, I'm not bossy.
I'm at a theological school with an amazingly well-crafted Non-Discriminatory and Inclusive Language Policy, a gender-balanced and racially and ethnically diverse faculty, and a great mix of backgrounds and personal contexts of students, and yet sexism still exists.
-----
Annually since 2014, I have chosen a word of the year. For 2018, I chose persist because it kept coming back to me. I literally couldn't get it to leave, even when I tried.
Last year, Senator Mitch McConnell spoke about Senator Elizabeth Warren and an incident that you can read more about here. In referencing Warren, McConnell said the other senator would not stop speaking despite being told to stop, and "Nevertheless, she persisted."
I think it's kind of hilarious that a person in a situation of power uttered a statement against another person in power that has become a bit of a slogan for feminism.
-----
These are smaller issues that become bigger moments. Especially following the recent Women's March, I heard from many women who do not feel as if they are oppressed or made to feel lesser in any way. And I think that's great! But, for me, I disagree.
It could be a lot worse - certainly true - but it could be a lot better.
I see friends in marriages who receive snide comments when one of them chooses to quit working after having a child. I see friends who are single parents who are talked about badly because of not staying with a child's other parent, even when the relationship was not a healthy space for either person or for the child. I see friends who are single who are told that they need to settle down and find a spouse, said both to friends who desire a relationship so strongly and to those who have a relationship as their last priority.
It goes further than relationships. Women are paid less than men. Women hold less leadership positions than men do. Women are told a lot of what they can't do, and I am over it.
I wish I didn't have personal experience of receiving sexist comments about my clothing at work. I wish I didn't have examples of times when men received an opportunity for a promotion at work when a well-deserving and equally (if not abundantly more) capable woman was also available. I wish I didn't have people who are close to me who make remarks that degrade women.
-----
As I am learning about myself and further determining my theological positions, I have found myself between a few paradigms of Christianity. I was raised in a mostly traditional context (but shoutout to my immediate family for promoting the equality of women in church leadership, work, and home!), I strive to be progressive, and I advocate for and identify as a feminist through the beliefs of liberation as God's intention. My intersectionality among the three paradigms is a real and ever-present part of my life.
I cannot deny my conviction from God to live with a desire to share good news with all and to specifically work to eliminate the constraints of oppression that happen with women. I believe that God is one who creates all, Jesus is one who equally affirms across the gender spectrum, and the Spirit is one who lives in each of us.
I could list women in the Bible who did good work. I could take scripture and use it to "prove" my point. I could publish an informed argument against my friends with whom I disagree. But, I am not. I'm not here to put focus on the oppression against women.
I want to bring strong, courageous, fierce, funny, comforting, amazing women to focus. These are the people in my life with whom I love laughing, living, and loving. (I also love alliteration.)
-----
Thank you to the women in my life who have gotten me this far. Thank you to the men who affirmed my gifts, my leadership, and my determination. Thank you for being such good humans.
Thank you to the various groups of women (often intergenerational) with whom I have formed the best bonds. Thank you to the group of women who are my current roommates and my NJ best friends. Thank you to the women in leadership of all forms who prove that capable women get stuff done.
Thank you to Sarah Bessey for writing her fantastic book, "Jesus Feminist," which seemed to give permission to me when I first read it about four years ago to use that f-word and identify as both a follower of Christ and a feminist. And, thank you to God for urging me to feel so strongly about the equality of all.
-----
Thank you for coming over for this conversation. I hope it leaves you as peacefully as you came, and I invite dialogue to continue this conversation if you agree, disagree, or feel indifferent to the topic. Let us remember to uplift and lift up women as fellow children of God.
No comments:
Post a Comment