2017 in Review: Part 1

Well, 2017 was quite a year, am I right?! I mean, gosh, I MOVED ACROSS THE COUNTRY AND STARTED GRAD SCHOOL. No one really saw that one coming.

While it was a big year filled with big things, I never want to remember the smaller things and the life-changing times that occurred during the 365 days that were marked as 2017 C.E.

Let's do a series of short recaps on the year:

*On January 1, I was happy to be with my church friends and family at Ohio Chapel. I made goals with the girls who were in the high school / college Sunday school class that I taught. I made plans to cook regularly (meh), blog monthly (this became consistent after moving), start grad school, and be courageous with my word of the year: #2017courage.

*I went ice skating three times during the 2016-2017 winter. I'm not a particularly athletic person, but ice skating is my jam.

*I worked my last Chrysalis Flight (as a full-time resident of southern Illinois). Very few people knew that it was my last Flight and probably thought I was just feeling my feels. Because I had a lot of feels.

*I traveled to NYC with a few close friends. We went for a long weekend to see Broadway musicals and do touristy things, and I took a day to visit two theological schools which is when I fell in love with Drew University in NJ.

*My sister was the manager of her junior high basketball team, and they won the state championship!

*I went to my last Illinois Senior Beta Club Convention. Again, very few people knew that grad school was coming up, and it has been so hard to walk away from what was a big part of my life for more than a decade. I absolutely miss my former students and all of the things we did; I love getting to see them continue to display their passions as they prepare for this year's convention, led by the wonderful people with whom I was a co-sponsor for years.

*I unexpectedly changed jobs after some transitional elements were out of my control which placed me in a difficult position. I was so grateful that my parents were looking for a full-time employee at the same time and allowed me to rejoin the staff (after working for them right after college).

*I worked an Emmaus Walk for the first time (and probably the last with Little Egypt because of moving). It was different than Chrysalis despite all of the supposed similarities that were shared with me. I loved getting to connect with old and new friends while serving alongside them.

*I rode a horse for the first time. My little cousin is hard core and an animal lover, and she took me - who is not a fan of animals - on a few rides.

*My last activities with Drama Club included a trip to see professional theatre. It has been sad to know that the Drama Club Director position has not been filled upon my vacancy, and I hope the students will have more creative outlets in the future.

*My sister performed in her last junior high musical as a rockin' Mrs. Mayor in Seussical, and she graduated from 8th grade! She's now a super cool big kid living that high school life.

*I attended the high school graduation of the class of 2017. Some of the students who were seniors were in 7th grade when I did one year of volunteering with the Junior Beta Club. I have loved watching them grow up. Some are the #hatersquad and some are the sweetest people, and I love them all.

*I had a yard sale with my friends Sarah, Amy and Melissa! I asked my grandma (yard sale extraordinaire) for advice, compiled all of my junk that I was done with (I strive to eventually be a minimalist), and got my friends together to sell our stuff on my porch (because it rained). We didn't make *a lot* of profit, but I'm glad that I got to spend this time with friends who I have known since we were in the elementary years.

*I traveled with my best friend, Bree, to Chicago to visit her former foreign exchange student from Thailand. Such fun to finally meeting Pim and Ploy and getting to explore the city with this crew!

*My #bookbesties and I traveled to Austin to have a chill little party and a low key weekend...except that none of us can contain our chill and the weekend was packed with the most fun, spiritually-fulfilling adventures. I have known my For the Love crew for nearly three years, but I had only met a handful before 2017. I'm thrilled that our online friendships changed to in real life friendships, and I will forever be thankful to have spent a few days at the #MoxieMagicHouse. We're a bunch of weirdos, but we're weirdos who love each other and love God (and good food and good books and brunch and traveling and important causes and the list continues...).

*I resigned from positions that mean so much to me and announced my intentions to attend Drew University Theological School for the Master of Divinity program. And it was hard. I had thrown my life into my positions with VHS and Little Egypt Chrysalis with extreme dedication and loyalty, and it was a loss of identity to redetermine who I am without these titles. I cried. Often.

*I traveled with my best friend again to Destin to vacation with my family. It was fun to have the extra crew around for the week.

*I hate having the spotlight entirely on me, so I had a few unofficial going away parties with people who love me well and give all the grace.

*And then I moved from Vienna, IL to Madison, NJ. I drove through a few states for the first time and had to talk myself up to be in new territory and engage in unfamiliar conversations. This has also been hard with lots of tears, but it has likely been one of the best decisions of my entire life.

*I relaunched my writing and have changed career goals multiple times. Even if writing never becomes something that I pursue professionally, it certainly helps me process through life.

*I tried two different megachurches upon moving and committed to a year at my current church to serve with the high school students. The girls who I serve remind me of the fun things in life and are always willing to listen to "Mistletoe" by Justin Bieber. Always. 

*I met Nadia Bolz-Weber (after arriving late to hear her speak at a church in CT), and I attended a lecture at Drew led by Rev. Dr. William J. Barber and Sister Simone Campbell.

*I made memes of a professor after she used GIFs on a Facebook thread. It became ~a thing~ where I regularly take funny or meaningful quotes from professors and friends and turn them into memes. Gotta use that mass comm undergrad degree somehow!

*I took part in #ForTheLoveOfEveryday with my #bookbesties by sharing what a real day in the life is like!

*I stood for things that I believe in such as supporting Black Lives Matter, being against gun violence, and learning about Moral Mondays and the Poor People's Campaign.

*I visited my favorite city monthly from August to December (sometimes repeatedly in the month) and saw a few Broadway shows! Musical theatre is forever the love of my life.

*I had a three week break between semesters that I filled with meaningful conversations, catching up with people who know me well, seeing former students, laughing with the kids who are important in my life, and remembering who I am.

This year was full. Really full. My short recap turned into 20-something points, and I am sure that I have more that I left off of the list. The year was filled with #2017courage, and more will be coming soon for further recaps of the year!

Super important things I learned (or some jokes to procrastinate)

I'm going back to Illinois in a few days for winter break, and I am so excited! I absolutely love everything in New Jersey. But, I'm really looking forward to seeing my people, being lazy, and not thinking that 56 chapters in the Hebrew Bible is a light reading week. (Can you tell that I'm exhausted?)

I have one assignment remaining before I go. Just one. And I'm not sure that I have the stamina to complete it because life just feels like a dumpster fire until I can finish it.

(It took way too many tries for me to get this into the blog.) (My tech skills are lacking when it comes to this piece of the internet.) (I'll just keep making excuses until I figure out how to link it correctly.)

Anyway, with my semester coming to a close and my procrastination at an all time high while I dramatically put off this final assignment, I would love to share some super important (read: very much trivial) things I learned this semester.

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1. An undergrad degree in mass communication is worthwhile! I can make memes to share with friends! I make funny memes of things that friends say and serious memes of inspiring words from professors and pointless memes about finals and acquaintances and such. I'm obviously very productive.

2. I still don't cook. Yay for me! I make pasta quite rarely, and I made some baked goods for church one time. The microwave and I have a bond, and it is #truelove. Cooking is not a skill that I foresee acquiring in the near future.

3. Laundry day is relative. I mean, it should happen weekly. Or every two weeks. But, really, it happens when I run out of clean socks or jeans. Note to self: buy more socks so I can try to make it three weeks without doing laundry. Don't say I haven't made goals for next semester.

4. It's fun to make new friends! Who knew?! I was so terrified upon moving that I would not make any friends and I would be alone to watch TLC or Disney Channel constantly like I did in undergrad. NOPE. I have a community of great people around me. In the townhouse with the largest community space, everyone is here all of the time (like last night when my roommates and I hosted Friendstivus) which is so fun.

5. Cafeteria food is deemed worthy of a recommendation if it is "kind of good." How was the pasta? Eh. How was the rice? Dry. How was the chicken pot pie? Um...kind of good. Let's be honest, the food at catered university events is great, and the food at the food court is mostly all friend. But, the Commons where there is a cafeteria? It's...cafeteria food.

6. I can be as weird as I want, and no one minds. Seriously. It's not exactly typical for anyone at any life stage to go to theological school, so we are all a bunch of weirdos wandering around until we figure out what's next. And I really love it.

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I promise that I have learned actual theological ideas and biblical understandings this semester, but my brain is so full that I can't handle another moment of it (except, you know, I will finish this last assignment...hopefully). If I see you in Illinois within the next few weeks, it's totally great to ask how school is. I would love to talk about it, but don't expect too much intense insight because the brain of a learning religious leader is going to be on vacation.

(I think I linked this one correctly. I'm a work in progress...and hopefully not melting away like Olaf.)

"Come sit at the table, come taste the grace"

So, here's the thing about going to theological school, being active in a church, and being a lifelong Jesusy person: I took communion four times within the past week.

I know, right, it's like probably excessive. Probably. But it doesn't really feel that way.

To recap my life in last week's busyness, I attended a lecture at school on Monday which concluded with a chapel service that offered communion. On Thursday, I attended our regular chapel service which always has communion, a fact that I love. On Sunday morning, my church celebrated communion as part of our service. On Sunday evening, I was with the group of high school girls who I co-lead where we had a church service including communion with all of the the high school students from across the church's six campuses.

Therefore, four times to take communion in less than a week. Love it.

I guess there's probably a lot wrapped into the idea of Communion / Lord's Supper / Eucharist / whatever your tradition chooses to call it. This sacrament is celebrated in various ways between different faith communities.

From those with whom I have experience or knowledge, some communities open the table to anyone who is interested in a relationship with God, some people believe that communion should only be offered to people who are baptized believers of Christ, and some churches offer communion only to the official members of their community who proclaim Christ as Savior.

Similarly, some practice it every time they are together as a church body, some practice it monthly, and some practice it at various times throughout the year. Even further, some believe that only ordained or consecrated religious leaders should serve communion, some think it is acceptable for anyone with a calling to share it, and then some say anyone can break the bread and serve the juice to commune.

It can be a lot of church wordiness, tbh. And, because of my personal draw toward inclusiveness, I tend to think that the experience of communion should be open to all believers and anyone who is seeking to take the next step toward faith. As a former pastor of mine has said repeatedly, "We do the setting [of the table], and He [God] does the inviting."

While there is such a lack of commonality of practice over this common practice, I still find it to be the most welcoming and most basic and most easily attainable and most shareable sacrament of all. Baptism, confirmation, ordination, and other such sacraments (literally meaning sacred moments) all seem like such rites of passage to me, whereas sharing a meal together is simple and holy in its premise. (Info for reference supplied by The Upper Room / Chrysalis / God's Gift to You)

The first time that I was asked to help serve communion was such an unexpected yet pivotal moment in my life as a Christian and likely in my journey toward becoming a religious leader in whatever capacity it shall be (because lol let's be honest, I still don't know what my "calling" is...and that word is in quotes because it freaks me out).

In October of 2015, just barely over two years ago, I was serving as the lay leader of a Chrysalis RUSH worship service with a very small crowd. Upon realizing that the clergy leading the time of communion was the only clergyperson in the room, I became the next in command by a process of elimination. I was asked to help serve the communion juice, and it was such a holy, awe-striking experience that I could not explain.

Not too long before moving this fall, I shared some things at my home church in Illinois about preparing for seminary, and my church family prayed for me as I prepared to embark on this courageous journey. A going away party-but-not-party was planned for me later in the day, but we shared communion to close the service. I was asked to assist in serving that day, and it was - again - such an experience of honor and grace.

My view of communion changed from a ritual to a truly sacred moment on that first Saturday in October two years ago. I still catch myself partaking methodically at times rather than participating fully, and then I remember those moments when I was asked to share in the serving of commemorating Jesus' final meal before his crucifixion. Such powerful yet simple moments stand out to me, and they are marked with such powerful yet simple words in scripture.

"During the meal, Jesus took and blessed the bread, broke it, and gave it to his disciples:
Take, eat.
This is my body.
Taking the cup and thanking God, he gave it to them:
Drink this, all of you.
This is my blood,
God's new covenant poured out for many people for the forgiveness of sins."
Matthew 26:26-28 MSG

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If you are part of a faith community, I encourage you to not worry about the differences in how the Eucharist is shared or who is exclusive to celebrating the Lord's Supper. Rather, I invite you to treasure the moment each time when you observe the symbolism of Christ's body broken for you and Christ's blood that was shed for you.

If you are not part of a faith community or not sure of where you fit into all of this church lingo, I encourage you to dialogue or read into the scripture about this seemingly simple and possibly odd tradition that has such great meaning and personal invitation to the love of Jesus.

I pray that as we worry about the stress of life and the struggles of our literal earth and the causes for hurt brought by the people in our world, that we would remember the openness to the table with anyone to be calm, to lead with grace, and to love.

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Lyrics in title from "Come as You are" by Crowder

There's no place like home

"There's no place like home," Dorothy Gale repeats as her mantra while clicking the heels of her red ruby slippers in the 1939 MGM film, The Wizard of Oz.

Yo, Dorothy with the good hair, I feel you.

If you have been around me for more than four seconds or you have followed me on any social media platforms for an extended period of time, you have probably heard me fangirl over anything about Oz. The lovely movie has become a mainstream pop culture phenomenon. I loved reading the 1900 book (originally titled The Wonderful Wizard of Oz) by L. Frank Baum in junior high. I performed in The Wizard of Oz in community theatre where I met many great friends. I fell in love with Wicked's 2003 original Broadway cast recording in high school. And, Wicked has become my absolute favorite musical which I have seen seven times.

I'm so extra when it comes to Oz stuff. I did reports and speeches over the books and musicals while growing up in school, and I directed a straight play adaptation during my stint as Drama Club Director. The most easy gifts for friends to give to me are pieces of Oz memorabilia, and I absolutely love each of them! One of my favorite emojis is the green heart because I use it when tweeting about Wicked and The Wizard of Oz. Further proof of high levels of being an Oz nerd: I did not have to look up any info for this post. Also, the slippers in the original book were silver, not red.

Imagine my joy upon realizing that I hear at least one Oz reference at school each week. (Eek!!! What is this life?? I literally cannot even.)

Last Wednesday, I had a mini-project in class in which my group talked about the dangers of seeing life through Emerald City glasses. The next day, I had a professor trying to sing Popular. It was hilarious to see him impersonating the sparkly character...and he acknowledged that it is Galinda...with a Ga. Back to back Oz references with other topics concerning Broadway musicals = happy KT.

My professor's point and cause for singing Popular was not to fulfill my weekly quota of Wizard of Oz references, though it certainly didn't hurt. We were discussing the power of a transformative story: one that changes over time and evolves as we grow and (hopefully) mature.

Seeing the characters through the tradition lens of The Wizard of Oz changes when experiencing the contemporary musical Wicked. We get to know the reason why Elphaba becomes known as the Wicked Witch of the West. In the same view, the way in which we have read scripture, experienced truth, and understood theology changes while studying in theological school with a shift, an adjustment, a transformation.

Two months into school, I feel like I am in a constant state of change with little to no solid consistency. Things are good most days, but I feel a tug between where I call home. I love my little hometown and this mess of a region that I grew up in and chose to live in for the past few years. I love the people from home dearly and so deeply. On the other hand, I am quickly loving the life of suburbia, of making new friends, and of becoming a new version of me. "There's no place like home," strikes images of Illinois and New Jersey, of a place where I have lived for years and a place where I have lived for months.

I'm certainly in a season of life reconstruction. I have been cautious to do anything too big or too drastic that could happen too quickly as I settle in. While I may never feel settled in New Jersey or anywhere else that life may take me, I have to recognize that I have uncomfortable, unsettled feelings in Illinois as well. I'm living in and leaning into the gray areas, into the questions, into the still uncomfortable and always unsettled parts of life regardless of my physical location.

Where has your yellow brick road taken you lately? What encourages you to lean into the tension and discomfort for this season of life?

Onward through this quest and FAQ

Since moving from southernmost Illinois to suburban New Jersey, I feel like I have a list of frequently asked questions. It's not a fault of those around me - I would rather be asked questions to engage in conversation than be ignored - though there is certainly a repetitive nature.

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FAQ #1: Why did you choose Drew?
Answer #1: As I was looking at theological schools in NYC and the surrounding area, Drew came up from either a Google or Wikipedia search. I looked into it and loved the focus on social justice. When I visited the campus in February, I fell in love. The cute, eclectic downtown atmosphere is similar to the downtown area of the small city where I did my undergrad. The campus is known as "The Forest," and my hometown is literally in the middle of a national forest. As cliche as it is, everything felt like home when I got to campus, and it has become my home base for the next few years.

FAQ #2: Why did you move here?
Answer #2: I have loved my travels to NYC in the past, and I knew that if I would move from home, I would want to be near this city. My home of southern Illinois is directly between Nashville, Tennessee and St. Louis, Missouri. I knew I would end up back at home if I moved to one of those locations, so it was really go big or go home. I was already home, so I thought I might as well go big. I've always loved Broadway, and it's great to be this close to superb theatrical experiences.

FAQ #3: What is your experience working with youth?
Answer #3: I have worked in a public school for the past six years in after-school clubs. I started as a volunteer and was later hired as part-time staff in addition to substitute teaching. I loved working with my students in academic and performance-based clubs. I have worked with a youth retreat for the past couple of years. (I leave out the details of all of the work that I have done with Chrysalis because it's too much to fit into a sound bite.) For about a year and a half, I worked with the youth in my church in Illinois as a Sunday school teacher. It's a small church, so I often only had one or two in my class. We got to know each other really well.

FAQ #4: What part of Illinois are you from?
Answer #4: I'm from the very bottom part of the state, closer to Kentucky or Missouri than anything else.
Q: *references being in Chicago once for a trip or going there for college*
A: Oh, I love Chicago. Fun times. I'm a lot further south, though.
Q: So like Carbondale?
A: Even further south, but yea, close enough.

FAQ #5: What's your church background?
Answer #5: I grew up in the Church of the Nazarene as a pastor's kid. For the past five years, I have gone to a church that is now non-denominational. I like the structure of a denomination, but I'm not sure where I align exactly. I'm Wesleyan-ish.

FAQ #6: You're getting an MDiv? What made you want to do that?
Answer #6: I know the normal thing with this degree is to want to preach, but that's really not my thing. I would love to do youth ministry and writing at some point. I have a 20 year plan to run a youth organization and publish a book, but I don't know what the steps are to get there at this point. I want the knowledge from a Master of Divinity to apply that later to what I'm doing.

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I have these answers basically down to a science when I'm asked at school, at church events, or in interviews. I really don't mind that people are getting to know me because it's nice to make connections and friends with people in the area, but yesterday I was called out for reciting one of my answers as if I was reading a resume. Haha oops.

One of my professors has stated over the past few weeks that the Old Testament exiles were experiencing much more of a quest than a journey. They didn't know where their paths would end up, but they were going forward anyway. I can relate to this; I'm out of my comfort zone and taking up new challenges. I don't know what's at the end of the road for me. I am on this quest anyway.

I have been reading the book of Matthew lately, and I got to verse 5:48 last night in The Message paraphrase. "Live out your God-created identity. Live generously and graciously toward others, the way God lives toward you."

That is the direction toward which I aspire to live. I felt as if I had virtually no identity at the beginning of the month, but as I journey through this quest, I am picking myself back up and God is putting me back together.

Friend.
Reader.
High school girls' mentor.
Observer.
Book launcher.
Family member.
Social media enthusiast.
Student.
Christ-follower.

Onward through this quest.

What quests are you going through at the moment? Do you foresee your ending, or is it open to the mystery of what may be in store?