Week 3 of Lent: Raising nonviolent action

Welcome back, friends. In the ongoing series throughout the season of Lent in 2018, I am fostering conversations regarding topics of importance in my life. If you missed last week's feminist conversation, be sure to check it out and add to the dialogue taking place on Facebook.

Last week, I was part of planning and executing a worship service regarding the act of Jesus Christ taking up the cross. The topic was paired alongside the issue of taking up the cross alongside people who are incarcerated. Mass incarceration is a profit-making movement within the United States, and it is something that continues to baffle me. I don't understand why isolation is chosen as punishment over rehabilitation and social productivity. As with many other parts of my life, I have more questions than I have answers.

Amid all of the questions, I am sure about something: I have to take action. For some, this means working through prison ministry programs. For others, this means marching, protesting, and contacting legislators.

I want to be intentional about reaching out to a family member who is incarcerated. I received the address for my family member last week, and I need to follow up on sending mail soon. Someone has to start making change. It might as well be me.

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In 1964, Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. visited the campus of Drew University where I am currently enrolled as a student at the Theological School. His speech from that event can be read here, and it can be listened to here.

As part of last week's worship service, I worked on the liturgy with friends. We were inspired by the nonviolent action encouraged by Dr. King's speech from 54 years prior, and his words became the basis of our litany. I invite you to read through the sacred words that follow.

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Litany 1

One:
For some strange reason,

Many:
I can never be what I ought to be

One:
Until you are what you ought to be,
and you can never be what you ought to be

Many:
Until I am what I ought to be.

One:
They say wait on time.
And so it is necessary for us
to help time and forever realize:

Many:
The time is always right to do right.

One:
And only when the people themselves
begin to act are these rights
which are written on paper given life blood.

Many:
Nonviolent direct action is necessary.

One:
I am still convinced
that the most potent weapon available
to oppressed people in their struggle
for freedom and human dignity
is nonviolent resistance.

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Litany 2

One:
The love ethic can stand at the center of a nonviolent movement.

Many:
It is the love of God operating in the human heart.

One:
It is nonsense to urge oppressed people to love their oppressor in an affectionate sense.

Many:
It is the love of God operating in the human heart.

One:
It is an overflowing love that seeks nothing in return.

Many:
It is the love of God operating in the human heart.

One:
Love is understanding, creative, redemptive good will for all.

Many:
It is the love of God operating in the human heart.

One:
No section of our country
can boast of clean hands
in the area of siblinghood.
No individual can live alone,
no nation can live alone.
We are interdependent.

Many:
“But let justice roll down like waters,
and righteousness like an ever-flowing stream.”
Amos 5:24 CEB

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Dr. King's speech reminds me of "The Human Heart" from Once on This Island, an excellent musical that is currently on Broadway. I can't deny the interconnected nature of all people, just as I can't deny God's love for all. In whatever way is best for you, just do something.

Week 2 of Lent: A feminist conversation

I would like to tell a series of stories, and I invite you in to appreciate them. I learned early in undergrad classes that a course titled ____ Appreciation (music, art, theatre, etc.) was not appreciation in the sense of gratitude but in a line of understanding. If nothing else, you're invited to understand and hear my stories, as I hope you always are when I tell them in person or online.

If we were face to face, I would love to peacefully talk about this on the couches in the tiny living room of my townhouse. You would knock at the door, my roommates and I would try to remember whether or not we had invited over anyone (people are welcome at any time, so we wouldn't turn you away otherwise), and you would be invited into our shared space.

I would probably finish up with whomever I'm texting or whatever project is going on through my phone or laptop. We would offer a cup of water, some tea, whatever you enjoy. We might end up playing games or watching the Olympics, but for the most part, we would share our stories.

I hope we can find that here in this space, too.

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Via Snapchat, a conversation held recently with someone who I have known for nearly 10 years through community theatre

Me: *posts picture of a theological feminist book to my story*
Friend: I've never seen a Christian who is more of a feminist than you.
Me: Thank you, I think??
Friend: *laughing emoji*

I genuinely don't know what is funny about this, and I was alarmed that I am the most feminist Christian who this friend knows. I can think of plenty of people who are much more aligned with the feminist movement as a whole than I am, and I am grateful for the people who have influenced me thus far so I could reach this position in order to maybe influence others.

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An abridged conversation with a professor regarding a publication

Professor: These women made a devotional, but the man who put it together broke copyrights on something.
Me: Why was a man in charge of putting together a women's devotional?

It's not that I hate men. I truly don't (and I am a heterosexual who is attracted to men, in case you're wondering). I know some great dudes who are mutually respectable and who strive to give away their power and privilege.

But, like, why couldn't a capable woman do the work that a man did incorrectly?

I just want to be like Wonder Woman and smash the patriarchy.

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This evening, I was in a class that meets online. A few of my colleagues and I gather in person to attend class on our laptops while sitting together in a sense of community. There was a momentary glitch without the professor, and after a few quiet minutes, I asked those in the room if we should proceed as we typically do. I commented that I was the accidental leader because I didn't ask for it but I ended up in this position, and I said that it seems to happen often in life. My friends assured me that I should follow through with suggesting temporary leadership to my classmates, and we moved forward. Everything seemed fine.

After class ended, a student (who I had engaged with in a very good conversation during class) said, "Ah, you're always so bossy! Isn't she bossy? She's bossy!" I assured him that was not my intention with the affirmation of my friends, and he continued to say that I am bossy.

He left the room, and I slammed both of my hands on the table while saying, "I AM SO DONE WITH SEXISM."

Bossy is often negatively attributed to women in leadership but rarely to men who take control of a moment. And, like Beyonce, I'm not bossy.

I'm at a theological school with an amazingly well-crafted Non-Discriminatory and Inclusive Language Policy, a gender-balanced and racially and ethnically diverse faculty, and a great mix of backgrounds and personal contexts of students, and yet sexism still exists.

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Annually since 2014, I have chosen a word of the year. For 2018, I chose persist because it kept coming back to me. I literally couldn't get it to leave, even when I tried.

Last year, Senator Mitch McConnell spoke about Senator Elizabeth Warren and an incident that you can read more about here. In referencing Warren, McConnell said the other senator would not stop speaking despite being told to stop, and "Nevertheless, she persisted."

I think it's kind of hilarious that a person in a situation of power uttered a statement against another person in power that has become a bit of a slogan for feminism.

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These are smaller issues that become bigger moments. Especially following the recent Women's March, I heard from many women who do not feel as if they are oppressed or made to feel lesser in any way. And I think that's great! But, for me, I disagree.

It could be a lot worse - certainly true - but it could be a lot better.

I see friends in marriages who receive snide comments when one of them chooses to quit working after having a child. I see friends who are single parents who are talked about badly because of not staying with a child's other parent, even when the relationship was not a healthy space for either person or for the child. I see friends who are single who are told that they need to settle down and find a spouse, said both to friends who desire a relationship so strongly and to those who have a relationship as their last priority.

It goes further than relationships. Women are paid less than men. Women hold less leadership positions than men do. Women are told a lot of what they can't do, and I am over it.

I wish I didn't have personal experience of receiving sexist comments about my clothing at work. I wish I didn't have examples of times when men received an opportunity for a promotion at work when a well-deserving and equally (if not abundantly more) capable woman was also available. I wish I didn't have people who are close to me who make remarks that degrade women.

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As I am learning about myself and further determining my theological positions, I have found myself between a few paradigms of Christianity. I was raised in a mostly traditional context (but shoutout to my immediate family for promoting the equality of women in church leadership, work, and home!), I strive to be progressive, and I advocate for and identify as a feminist through the beliefs of liberation as God's intention. My intersectionality among the three paradigms is a real and ever-present part of my life.

I cannot deny my conviction from God to live with a desire to share good news with all and to specifically work to eliminate the constraints of oppression that happen with women. I believe that God is one who creates all, Jesus is one who equally affirms across the gender spectrum, and the Spirit is one who lives in each of us.

I could list women in the Bible who did good work. I could take scripture and use it to "prove" my point. I could publish an informed argument against my friends with whom I disagree. But, I am not. I'm not here to put focus on the oppression against women.

I want to bring strong, courageous, fierce, funny, comforting, amazing women to focus. These are the people in my life with whom I love laughing, living, and loving. (I also love alliteration.)

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Thank you to the women in my life who have gotten me this far. Thank you to the men who affirmed my gifts, my leadership, and my determination. Thank you for being such good humans.

Thank you to the various groups of women (often intergenerational) with whom I have formed the best bonds. Thank you to the group of women who are my current roommates and my NJ best friends. Thank you to the women in leadership of all forms who prove that capable women get stuff done.

Thank you to Sarah Bessey for writing her fantastic book, "Jesus Feminist," which seemed to give permission to me when I first read it about four years ago to use that f-word and identify as both a follower of Christ and a feminist. And, thank you to God for urging me to feel so strongly about the equality of all.

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Thank you for coming over for this conversation. I hope it leaves you as peacefully as you came, and I invite dialogue to continue this conversation if you agree, disagree, or feel indifferent to the topic. Let us remember to uplift and lift up women as fellow children of God.

Ash Wednesday: An opening in this Lenten season

I have never much liked the idea of giving up something for Lent. In recent years when I have been asked about my intended sacrifice to declare for the next 40 days, I have given my rebel Christian answer to say that I haven't done that for years and I'm not really into that now.

While it has been suggested to me in community settings to give up a few things this Lenten season (certain foods, social media, etc.), I'm not great at listening to others sometimes. Oops.

I have sacrificed a lot in this season of life: comfort, lifelong friendships, being at important events and celebrations that I have never before missed. I'm really not ready to give up anything else (except maybe laundry), so I think I'll take up something instead.

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Kaitlin Curtice wrote a great piece about Lent, and I am challenged by her statement: "So this Lent, I intend to keep my mind alert."

I, too, intend to keep my mind alert.

I am willing to take up the act of doing more in honesty of my relationship with God during this season of Lent in 2018, the 40 days between Ash Wednesday / Valentine's Day and Easter / April Fool's Day (the way the holidays coincide this year is hilarious to me).

I had a friend who has told me a few times that I don't *have to* speak out against or for everything that I believe. I think maybe my friend was scared, and maybe I am, too. It's not easy to publicly say that something is on my mind when it would be easier to stick to the status quo. Yet, I feel so strongly that God calls us to transparency and honesty to live true to ourselves and true to the divine.

So, I'm proposing something different for myself. I'm sharing each week until Easter about something that is important to me: a cause about which I believe, an organization that I support, or ideas and interpretations that may be unpopular but that I just can't shake.

And I won't even encourage you to join me. You do you during this time of Lent. If you need space between you and God while everyone else commits to a sacrifice, I applaud that courage. If you do decide to sacrifice something, I appreciate your commitment to tradition and to leadership. If you choose another path, I would love to hear from you on this journey through the wilderness.

We each take up our crosses differently. Let it be so during Lent in 2018.

2017 in Review: Part 2

If you haven't already seen it, check out 2017 in Review: Part 1. I have a very, very condensed list (which really means a very, very long list) of things that happened during 2017 which were of importance to me. The year is marked by change, but there are so many other ways to mark the year.

I challenged myself to share #KTsPlaybills to share a program from each show - professional or amateur - that I attended. I only bought clothes when absolutely necessary and when needing specific items, and hand-me-downs from friends were added to my closet. I began writing more regularly, and I listened to more podcasts and audiobooks than ever before.

In the past, my annual recaps have been about my word of the year, pop culture things such as movies and music, musicals I have seen, and some book reviews. We have a lot to cover, so grab your notebooks and pencils and settle in. (Can you tell that I'm back in academia on the side of the student?)

I knew going into 2017 that I was going to need courage for all of the change that would come, and #2017courage was absolutely perfect. I'm not sure that I have had a word fit so perfectly other than the year of #2014creativity. When I had my frequent times of doubt and wanting to regress, I remembered that God goes before me and is the utmost courageous guide. And, now, I am choosing #2018persist to keep going through the challenges of life.

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Travel

I certainly had my fill of travel throughout 2017. In February, I visited NYC to do touristy things and also visit the campuses of two theological schools. In March, I attended the annual Illinois Senior Beta Club Convention with my (now former) students in Springfield which was always the most exhausting and the most fun 36 hours of my life. In April, I took Drama Club students to St. Louis, and we stopped at the Science Center, Forest Park, and the Fabulous Fox theatre to see The Lion King.

In June, I went to Chicago with my best friend, Bree, where we hung out with friends from Thailand, Pim and Ploy. Later that month, I traveled to Austin with #bookbesties for the Of Mess and Moxie friendship reunion party. In July, Bree and I went to Destin with my family and her little dude. In August, I moved to NJ. In October, I drove to CT (my first time!) with friends to hear a speaker, and I accidentally drove on Broadway through Manhattan on a Saturday night (It's a long story; you can ask me later). In December, I returned to Chicago with my family for a short trip.

Moving to NJ included driving through Illinois, Indiana, Ohio (my first time!), West Virginia (the most strange 11 miles I have ever driven), Pennsylvania (so much $$ in tolls), and New Jersey. In driving back and forth a few times, I determined a route that is a bit shorter: New Jersey, Pennsylvania, Maryland (my first time!), West Virginia, Kentucky, and Illinois. 

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Theatre

Living less than 30 miles from my favorite city = SEEING ALL OF THE BROADWAY SHOWS!!! Ok, not all of them (which is what I would like), but I did see more professional shows this year than ever before:

1. Waitress, Brooks Atkinson Theatre on Broadway in February

2. In Transit, Circle in the Square Theatre on Broadway in February (closed)

3. Wicked, Gershwin Theatre on Broadway in February (for the 7th time!)

4. The Lion King, Fox Theatre in St. Louis on tour in April (for the 3rd time!)

5. Hamilton, Private Bank Theatre in Chicago in June

6. Bandstand, Bernard B. Jacobs Theatre on Broadway in August (closed)

7. Chicago, Ambassador Theatre on Broadway in September (for the 2nd time!)

8. Beautiful, Stephen Sondheim Theatre on Broadway in November (standing room tickets = cheap but tiring)

9. Once on This Island, Circle in the Square Theatre on Broadway in December

It is incredibly difficult to determine my favorites, but here goes:

3rd place: The Lion King - It is becoming a classic and is a must-see for everyone at least once in a lifetime, the most visually stunning production I have ever seen

2nd place: Waitress - I knew nothing going into it, but I have fallen in love with the storyline and the perfect music written by Sara Bareilles

1st place: Once on This Island - Run to the Circle in the Square Theatre to see this because it is so freaking good and I am counting down the days until the cast recording is released; I loved getting to see the Broadway debuts of Hailey Kilgore and Alex Newell among others

Always go see it forever and ever: Wicked - The true love of my life and the musical that I see annually because I'm *obsessed* with it

Lol at your attempt to get tickets: Hamilton - Because I only got in after someone was reselling tickets for 1/3 of the price, and I enter the NYC ticket lottery every day and never win

One of my goals / challenges for 2017 was to take a picture of every Playbill / program from each show that I saw. This helped me to keep track of what I have seen, and it reminds me of great memories with local productions that are keeping the arts alive and providing creative opportunities to my favorite people in southern Illinois:

1. Jesus Christ Superstar

2. The Sound of Music

3. Beauty and the Beast, Jr.

4. R&H's Cinderella

5. The Wizard of Oz

6. Legally Blonde

7. Seussical, Jr.

8. Sister Act

9. Seussical

10. Singin' in the Rain

11. Cats

12. Haiku / Gods are Fallen & All Safety Gone

Jesus Christ Superstar felt very convicting, I have seen various productions of Legally Blonde like six times, Seussical is always a win, Singin' in the Rain was new to me, Cats was *T*R*I*P*P*Y*, and Haiku / Gods... was a night of one act plays presented at Drew. It was a good year for amateur theatre (but I could say that about every year).

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Secular Music

I didn't purchase a lot of music this year, and I was more into singles than albums which is rather irregular for my past music tastes. Moana is my favorite cast recording of the year. I love the Hamilton Mixtape, especially "Satisfied" by Sia feat. Miguel and Queen Latifah and "Immigrants (We Get the Job Done)" by K'naan, Snow Tha Product, Riz MC, and Residente. This should be no surprise that my top two albums of the year are from works of Lin-Manuel Miranda who is a genius.

I was a little underwhelmed by the cast recording for Dear Evan Hansen. Although I don't love it overall, I would like to see the show eventually even though it gets me in my feels. I really enjoy "Anybody Have a Map?", "Waving Through a Window,"  and "You Will Be Found." I was also underwhelmed with Taylor Swift's reputation and Lady Gaga's Joanne.

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Christian Music

My copy of Lauren Daigle's CD has gotten a lot of play time lately although it is a few years old. Some singles - whether new or old - were played often and became anthems to be remembered by 2017.

5th place: "It's Not Over Yet" by for KING & COUNTRY

4th place:  "O Come to the Altar" by Elevation Worship

3rd place: "You are Loved" by Stars Go Dim - In case we ever need a reminder that we are loved (like all of the time), we've got it

2nd place: "Tears" by Matt Hammitt - I remember hearing this on the radio and feeling captivated by it as a reminder that feelings are ok and it's good to be expressive

1st place: "Great are You, Lord" by All Sons & Daughters - One of my close friends played this about a year ago, and I fell in love; it was a song that was played at church while I was in Austin and one of the first songs that I heard at my current church, so I can't help but remember God's greatness through all of these significant life moments and life changes

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Books

Books are the great love of my life above most other things, and receiving gifts of books means that someone really gets me. In the past few years, I had been on numerous book launch teams in which I would receive books for free in exchange for honest reviews and sharing about them among friends. I scaled back due to time constraints of all of the change, and then I read considerably less for personal enjoyment after school began.

Without including any academic books, I have gone through the difficult process of narrowing down my top five books of 2017:

5th place: "All in All" by Sophie Hudson - I was proud to be on the launch team for Sophie's 2016 book, "Giddy Up, Eunice," and I instantly signed up for the team for the release of her 2017 teen girl devotional. I gave away my copy, and I think it is absolutely perfect for teen girls who are in the late high school to early college years. I can't think of anyone better than Sophie, who knows teens and knows God, to write this.

4th place: "The Magnolia Story" by Chip and Joanna Gaines - Just like so many others, I have fallen in love with Fixer Upper and shiplap. Do I really know what shiplap is? No. Do I love it? Totally. Their book was a great story filled with struggles and accomplishments, disheartening moments and encouragements. I enjoyed the audiobook, and I was disappointed when it ended because I wanted even more.

3rd place: "Talking as Fast as I Can" by Lauren Graham - I want to be Lauren's best friend. I have loved watching her on Parenthood and Gilmore Girls, and now I need her to be my BFF. I especially enjoyed the parts about Gilmore Girls, and it is my favorite non-religious, non-fiction book of 2017.

2nd place: "Of Mess and Moxie" by Jen Hatmaker. My girl J-Hat is the coolest person I have ever hugged (and I'm so not a hugger) (and maybe she is cool because I was incredibly awkward every time I talked to her but she acted as if I wasn't the weirdest person around). This book, like Jen's 2015 release of "For the Love," was given to me for free as a launch team member, but I share it out of genuine love for the content and for who Jen is. She is bold and caring, fierce and comedic, truth-telling and recipe-sharing. Jen inspires and encourages me to be a better me, and I could never thank her enough for how her books have literally changed my life.

1st place: "Braving the Wilderness" by Brene Brown - No one could beat out Jen for the top spot except Brene. I was instantly challenged and changed when I first listened to Brene's 2010 TED talk on "The Power of Vulnerability" in 2016, and I am still challenged and changed by her words. (Her videos have been played in two of my classes this week which is perfect timing!) I listened to the audiobook recording of this publication, and it was like a friend telling me her hard life stories and her intense research that has shaped who she is and how she sees the world. We may always be outliers who are going through the wilderness, but that is not bad and we are not alone.

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If 2017 wasn't such a year of big things and big moments and big travels and big experiences, I wouldn't know what to say. (Jk, yes I would, I love written words.) Even so, these words and music pieces and artists have shaped who I am. They continue to be leaders in my life in how I live it and how I view others. All of these special moments with so many special people made 2017 as courageous as it was. While I'm leaning into the vulnerable places of the unknown and the unexpected, here's to #2018persist.